I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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