doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
