I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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