I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i already hear my dad disowning me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
