I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
