I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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