Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
please come you make the beer taste better
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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