I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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