I hate all girls vehemently.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
