just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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