wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
