How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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