plz talk dirty to me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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