So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
