Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
