I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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