So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
