Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
