You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
