who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize