all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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