i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We don't watch enough power rangers
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
