tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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