You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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