I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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