My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
