Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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