you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
