i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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