I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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