ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
