Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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