she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
