I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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