That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
