plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
