bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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