the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize