So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
