I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
