Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
