i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
