I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
