Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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