She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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