Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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