Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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