Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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