3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
