i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
