Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
