I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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