You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
