she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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