She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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