my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
