I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize