Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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