Small penises have feelings too.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize