They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
