Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Success! We fucked roommates!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
