I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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