Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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