So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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