I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Boobs speak an international language.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
