Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize