Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I feel like abortions should bother me more
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
