i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Randomize