dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
