I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
