dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
